That Unforgettable Feeling, The Undeniable Dream.

From Bullied to Black Belt, Simon's journey.

That Unforgettable Feeling, The Undeniable Dream. We have all had it. If we are lucky, we have it more than once, and if we work hard at our dreams, well, it just may happen several times.

The obvious: The day we fell in love, the day we got married and without doubt, the day the children came along. Those moments are beautiful and usually part of our journey as humans, but what about the ones we think of on those lonely, dark nights when we can’t sleep? What about the ones we set up for ourselves?

It usually starts with an idea, one so crazy that the end product, the realisation of that dream, may as well be on the moon, but as crazy as it sounds, as far-fetched as we first think it is, we still know that it is something we are going to pursue.

So what is yours? What Unforgettable Feeling do you yearn for? What is your Undeniable Dream? It doesn’t matter if it seems ridiculous to others; this is your feeling, your dream, you are the one chasing it, working for it and making damn sure you get it.

Because on some level, you know that the dream you have, the feeling you chase is just the start of it. If you have dreamt well, considered and accepted the knock-backs, put your plans in place, well, there is usually much more to follow.

My chase was fraught with anxiety. Turning up at dojos, knowing there were people inside better than me, bigger than me and quite prepared to ‘give it to me.’ Fighting with friends is still fighting, right?

The aching limbs, headaches from sparring, dreaded days of competitions (that actually weren’t as scary as I thought they might be) and the inevitable and rewarding moving up the ranks.

But of course, moving up the ranks, getting higher up the grades meant that the training was tougher, the commitment needed was more intense, and the fear grew bigger. Yes, there were times when I thought of packing it all in. And I was only two years into training.

That damn alarm sounds again, and it is another 6 am run, and I could never quite decide which was better, the warm mornings that made the run sticky and sweaty, or a few months later when the weather changed, and frost, rain and sleet welcomed me. “You wanted to be here,” they seemed to say.

And all the while, whilst training five times a week, there was that clock ticking in the background, reminding me, not long now, not long until the day your Undeniable Dream presents itself and who knows, get it right, and you might just get your Unforgettable Feeling too.

Mine rolled around on a Saturday in April. 27 years of age, quite old to be taking a first black belt, but it was what it was. An hour or so drive from North Wales to a sports centre on the outskirts of Manchester, and the hours, days and weeks of dread leading to this moment had simply vanished, because here I was in a changing room full of monsters, fellow combatants who would do what they had to do to get their own moment. I would have to do the same.

It seemed like a film was playing in front of me as my anxiety threatened to explode. Many years later, and much reading and being educated by some great people, I came to terms with fear, learned to control it, and knew how it worked, but for now, it was just a movie playing in front of me, a space like feeling as I was walking to the grading room to do my stuff in front of one of the world’s great Kickboxing Champions, Alfie Lewis.

The grading itself probably took an hour and a half, and then there was the fighting, but it was the waiting in between that killed me. Every time a name was due to be called out, my heart skipped and then had to settle itself as I realised it wasn’t my turn.

Every time a fight was called, I went into overdrive, praying it was me up next and yet hoping to God it wasn’t. Think driving test nerves times one thousand.

And then it is done. I’d done all I could in basics, and I knew I had fought my heart out against heavier opponents and sometimes ones with much more experience, and so the waiting game presented itself once more.

Ten minutes we were told we would wait, ten minutes to find out if all that hard work had been rewarded, if we had gotten our battle plans right. Guys who just minutes before were trading blows, now sat together sharing drinks and sweets, war stories, tales of mutual friends and laughter.

And the ten minutes, it did drag, but it did pass. It always passes. I am in about forty-first place to hear my decision, and my God was that torture again. I clapped as the guy twenty places ahead of me was told it was his day, here was his Black Belt, but I willed the ride to go faster.

And then there it was. All those years of training, hardship, sacrifice, tears, fear and regrets, they all landed at my feet in this one moment. All eyes in that room were on me.

“Simon, you did very well,” Alfie Lewis told me, and I am not sure I heard the rest, as people clapped and I made a desperate attempt on my side to stop the tears.

We are certified; all those who passed were awarded a beautiful certificate confirming their place amongst the Black Belts.

People shook my hand, patted me on the back and offered congratulations as I made my way back to the reception where my family waited for me. And then showing my honours to my wife and little girl, right there, that was my Unforgettable Feeling.

If you are still working on getting your feeling, if you are still out there grafting, working, making it happen, then enjoy the ride because the end result is so worth your pain and pride.

There would be many more Unforgettable Feelings to follow for me as I decided to make Martial Arts and later on writing, my life, but I will always remember my first time. After all, who doesn’t?

From Bullied to Black Belt and Simon's other books are available in paperback and e-book here